I struggle with boundaries. Not so much to stay IN them, but to know where they are in the first place.
As a child, I had boundaries, knew where they were and what would happen if I decided to test them. And those boundaries enlarged as I grew older.
But now I AM old, and I’m no longer sure where or what those borders are. Yet, I manage to overstep them and the first thing you know, I’m in trouble.
I’m not lamenting. I’m an adult and I’m not whining. Well, maybe I am—a little. But I am also hit with the grim reality that I am a control freak. No longer do I get to set the perimeters, and I don’t like it. Not even one little bit.
Now, it’s the grands who call the shots. Not in a mean or bossy way. I don’t think they even know they are holding the strings that make up all the little rooms, each with their own walls and doors and windows that make up the total boundary lines.
Today I’m told all their secrets. Tomorrow I’m not to ask questions. Yesterday I was the one they came to for a bandaid. Today I’m not supposed to know they are hurting, and never to ask questions.
But because I AM a control freak, I step over those puny little strings, get my feet tangled and fall on my face every time! My nose is skinned from sticking it in the wrong places. My lips are swollen from speaking out of turn. And my knees–well, kiddos, you might not realize it, but my knees are bruised from kneeling on them pleading for wisdom. Asking the Lord to show me the boundaries that are set today, and keep me attuned to the changes as they come.
And while I’m there I also petition for godly mates, for wisdom in each and every decision, for friends who will share a love of God, for mentors and peers who will hold you accountable. I pray for a solid hedge of protection to be placed around you. I pray for purity in thoughts and deeds. And I also pray that you’ll be caught if you wander into cheating, lies or mischief. I ask God to motivate you to right living and to be the best and do the best you are capable to be and do. And I pray He will use your lives as a testimony and witness for His glory.
I’ll cross the line again, I’m sure. And perhaps one day I’ll learn to stay on my knees. In the meantime, be patient!! God isn’t done with me!!